WTH: White Christmas

by the way if the title says WTH, it means it is a part of the one-shot series

In the end of the movie White Christmas when the general is shaking everyone's hands, he totally blows a guy off...

Smooth move guy,  "play it off, reach for the hat, maybe no one saw that."

Yeah, we did.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!!!

Everything possibly wrong with Santa Claus is coming to town

Merry Christmas everybody, how are you? Been good? Gona get lots of presents? Yeah.
You know this is one of my favorite times of year, everyone is so happy, families get together, fattening treats are made, the tree is lit, and all those classic Christmas films appear on TV being played over, and over, and over.
Ah yes, those Christmas films, telling us endless stories of peace on earth, big red fat men, and how being a jerk will get you killed horribly. And out of all those films there really are some that just take us back and force us to rewatch them every year.
How the Grinch stole Christmas, Christmas story, White Christmas, Year without a Santa Claus, The Santa Clause, Rudolph, Frosty, and the ever popular Santa Claus is coming to Town.

This really is a fun movie: The story of how Santa came to be, from baby to man, how he find Mrs. Claus, saves a town, beats the bad guy, and all while growing that impressive beard and dragging around a VERY lost penguin. Like I said, it's a great show, and there is

SO MUCH WRONG WITH IT!

This show is far from being as messed up as Rudolph is, but it has its moments, my personal favorite being the creepy smiling child that is just sitting there smiling away as the other children are bawling their eyes out or completely terrified.

This kid is totally from my nightmares.

Seriously kid there is something wrong with you! GO AWAY! GAH!

But anyway, this show has some laughably disturbing parts, and some not so laughably disturbing parts, and is just over all HIGHLY DISTURBED!

What do you mean you don't believe me? Oh dear, you should know by now that I tend to be right every single time you do that. Want proof? Fine.

Take the very first scene (after the narrator scene starts), where we first see the villain eating a chunk of mutton the size of a baby, and speaking of babies the head guard comes charging in holding one that had been left on the stoop.

Okay pause here, why is there an abandoned baby on the front porch, IN WINTER? Nice job parents, look I know you tried to give your kid a "better life" by leaving him with the mayor, but YOU LEFT HIM ON A STONE DOOR STEP IN WINTER! just saying.

Anyway, so Burgermeister is dumbfounded that anyone thought he would take care of a baby, him of all people...

"Burgermeister Meisterburger: I, Burgermeister Meisterburger, take care of a baby? Outrageous! What's it's name?

Grimsby: This is the only clue, sir.
[an name tag]
Grimsby: It says, "Claus".
Burgermeister Meisterburger: Ah, take the little, er, baggage to the orphan asylum. That's the proper place for foundlings anyway.
[the baby starts to cry] "

Of course if his name had been Burgermeister is awesome, there wouldn't have been a problem.

Any way, so the guard trys to take the baby, loses the baby, woodland creatures find the baby, quick HIDE THE BABY UNDER A PILE OF WOOD! the Winter-warlock will never expect a random pile of wood!

Then the animals take the baby to the Kringles, and upon seeing him one of the Kringles says a very memorable line.

"Dingle: Wiggle my ears and tickle my toes, methinks I see a baby's nose! It's more than a nose. There's a whole baby attached to it. Better call my brothers! Wingle! Bingle! Tingle! Zingle! "

first of all their parents hated them with names like that, 2) he said that like he was surprised there was a baby attatched to the nose. You get many severed baby noses delivered then? What the heck!

The kringles raise the baby as Kris Kringle, and teach him about their occupation; Making toys that they throw in a pile in the back yard. Real profitable there. They also tell him of their former occupation, as royal toymakers. 

Pay attention to this guy, right here.

SO fast forward, Kris grows up, decides to actually make some revenue, gets the red suit, and starts climbing the mountain between them and the town. While climbing he runs into a penguin, A PENGUIN, at the north pole. But that isn't even the biggest problem, the biggest problem is the Warlock, who threatens to kill them, but when  they run off is like "ah, I'll wait until they come back". that warlock is the second laziest guy in the film, honestly, he doesn't even know how to walk.

And it just goes downhill from there.

When Burgermeister wipes out on a toy his doctor tells him his funny bone is broken, but puts a cast on Burgermeister's foot. What? Geee, thanks doc.

When Kriss is being told off by Jessica for giving the children toys he bribes her with one, he then does the same thing to Burgermeister and the Warlock. It only works twice.

Santa gave a kid a machine gun for Christmas, a REAL MACHINE GUN!

When the bribery doesn't work on bergermeister and the guards chase him out they run to the edge of the woods and say...
"Ah, We'll never find him in there.."
Seriously? SERIOUSLY! oh, we'll never find the guy with orange hair in a bright red suit, trimmed with fur, carrying a giant sack, followed by a penguin, running through these woods where the trees are a good two yards apart in every direction and visability is as near perfect as we can get it. Nope, we'll never find him.
Ladies and gentlemen, the laziest guys on the planet.

Warlock is suseptable to bribery, and by the way, ever notice this?

The warlock is totally doofenshmirtz.

Kriss starts breaking into people's homes to deliver presents, which leads to this scene...

See that kid up in the corner, by the lamp post? See that duck he's holding? the exact same duck that injured Burgermeister earlier and got toys banned. So what does the kid do? He runs up and starts attacking Burgermeister with it, real nice kid, that totally wont be linked to any traumatic memories for him and cause him to continue to overreact over the toys.

Well he does, and if you watch while he is raiding one of the houses you'll see something interesting

Holy Crap! It's the king! also the claymation people seem to have been a bit excessive with the mom's, um, chest there. It's wider than her head!

Well the climax happens, kriss is arrested, and jessica suddenly breaks into song.

She is SOOOOOOOO HIGH!

After that of course there is very little left wrong with the show, besides of course...

Hey, we're criminals now, so here's a good time to tell you you're adopted. =D

Pardon? What the heck!

 how they managed to WALK to the North Pole

and how much Jesica has let herself go. Yikes, ease up on the cookies lady!

overall this is a very messed up, but very lovable movie that I laugh at every year, and I hope you do too

EXTRA:

Hey, there's a sequel out for this post, so go check it out:

http://scarecrowsgotagun.blogspot.com/2016/12/part-2-everything-possibly-wrong-with.html 

WTH: A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving

Wow 50 views, I'm impressed. Thank you guys so much for putting up with my rather sporadic posting, it means so much to me.

And so, in commemoration of this blog's 50 views, and the wonderful holiday we just celebrated, I will be starting my one shot series, also known as my WTH series (What The Heck series). These are those random moments that aren't big enough for discussion, but still need to be pointed out in my opinion. They might be elaborated on later, but until then they are just for your mild enjoyment.

So without further ado:

WTH: A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving

 

Why the Heck does Charlie brown have so many toasters just sitting around his house?

Why on earth are there three kids and a dog crammed together on one side of the table, and one ethnic side-character all alone on the other?

And does anyone else realize that Woodstock is basically performing cannibalism here?

 

That's it, hope you enjoyed.

Disney Un-hooked

I'm so sorry I haven't posted in a while, I've been off doing super secret things I can't tell you about because then they would have to kill me. So Sorry.

Any way, back to today's post.
So you know how Tinkerbell is like the unofficial Disney mascot, besides Mickey Mouse of course.

And everyone remembers peter pan as both a fun movie, and a fun character. Then there's all the lost boys, and the Darling children, but no one really cares about them.

 

But there's one more character that often becomes forgotten in the wake of the sparkly faries, fun adventure songs, and the obviously ignored romance between two twelve year olds who both look like they're in pajamas. and that character would be...

Captain James Hook of the Jolly Roger

Most people forget Hook as a villain, and tend more to view him as a, in his own words "Blathering Idiot." Even Disney seems to be doing this, I mean have you ever seen Jake and the Neverland pirates? Everytime hook comes on screen I want to beat myself with a stick. He'd cowardly, short sighted, obsessed with treasure, generally dumber than a post, and he keeps losing to children, eight to ten year old children! And you know how they manage to beat him? With sharing, and love, and all that mushy crap we see in kids shows. Plus he looks like this,

Seriously?! Seriously!?, you go from this

to this?

No wonder everyone starts to pray the crocodile finally gets him, they all see him as a complete moron.

BUT HE'S NOT!!!

The dear Captain can actually be found pretty high on the villain scale in terms of evil. His overview actually consists of, and I quote.

"Captain James Hook is a fictional character and the main antagonist of J. M. Barrie’s play Peter Pan; or, the Boy Who Wouldn’t Grow Up and its various adaptations. The character is a villainous pirate captain of the Jolly Roger brig, and lord of the pirate village/harbour in Neverland, where he is widely feared. Most importantly, he is the archenemy of Peter Pan. It is said that Hook was “Blackbeard’s boatswain, and that he was the only man Long John Silver ever feared.” His only two fears are the sight of his own blood (which is supposedly an unnatural colour) and one fateful crocodile."

 

YES he did work for Blackbeard, and if you don't know who long john silver is, well that's just insulting. But despite this everyone forgets just how much of an Awsome villain Hook was. He really can be terrifying. I mean he's only on screen for a few seconds before he's already threatening to torture the Indian princess, kills a guy, and starts firing cannon balls at four children, intending to literally blow them out of the sky.



After that he captures and attempts to drown Tigerlilly, captures and tricks Tinkerbell, gives a bomb to peter, A BOMB, entices children to become murderous pirates, intends to drown Wendy, and run peter through with a sword. 

Think that's bad? Well in the play/book he attempts to poison the lost boys not once, but twice, and the bomb from the movie is replaced with poison. He wants Pan to suffer, all because peter thought it was funny to chop off his hand. Not so funny now is it Peter? Yeah I thought not. But not only is he decidedly evil, but he's also suave and highly sophisticated. He is a man of his word, when promising not to lay a single finger on Peter he actually keeps his word, he gives Peter a bomb instead. Hey he didn't lie. He never goes back on his word, and when he's committing villainy he does so with a certain charisma and style. He's also a ladies man, I mean he completely cons Tinkerbell into telling him everything he wants to know. Every single time he interacts with one of the female characters he is incredibly polite, in a threatening you could die any second kind of way. All that is enough to make even Maleficent turn her head.

 

So come on Disney, stop tearing Hook down and give us our awesome villain back, I bet the Croc will be happy if you do.

All you ever need to know about dating you can get from Doofenshmirtz.



Like the title says, Doofenshmirtz is the place to go for dating advice and explanations. Sure he has not had a very good record with it so far, most of his dates resulting in some pretty nasty results: I.E. the one that kept stabbing him with a fork, but his history with women aside he can spout some pretty good advice at times. Just check out how he does in the episode "love at first byte".

 

 

 

After that you still might be able to argue that his advice is rather, um, completely off, and I'll give you that, but it isn't really his relationships/ advice on women that I want to point out here.

 

Ok so kids usually watch Phineas and Ferb for the cool animation and story lines, while their adult guardians, or just adults in general, watch it for the little hidden adult humor bits that are slipped in, but in general they still think of it as a kids show.

Well they're actually only half right.

If you examine the way Phineas and Ferb is done you begin to realize that only part of it is a kid geared show, mainly the part with the titular characters, and the parts concerning Perry and Doof are really geared toward a much older audience. They address issues that most adults/teens actually go through, rejection, loneliness, and the issue of cheating on a person you're in a relationship with and how that can hurt. (Perry and Doof are NOT gay in any way, shape, or form. They're basically drinking buddies) And this is also where those problems are explained, and usually given a remedy. I mean have you seen the Peter the Panda story arc? Just watch the episode "Lost in Danville", no seriously, watch it, it is hilarious. Doof finds out he's Peter the panda's "other" evil scientist, and his real nemesis cant fathom why he's not enough for peter. It's like a soap-opera, almost. Of course Doof gives some great relationship advice.

 

Which later cumulates to this...

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENjLMle8BCA

(sorry couldn't upload the video)

 

Don't you just love Doof? He just makes the day better.

HELP A WRITER OUT!!

Ok, I know people look at this, so I'm asking you out there to leave me a comment about you're favorite movie/cartoon that you would like me to post about. It can even be a specific character if you want. I just feel bad about no offering up a lot of posts, and I really do need your help. SO please? help a writer out. =)

OMG! HEAT-SENSORS!

That scene in Thor 2 where the dark elves attack Asgard.

 Ok, so the Aether is on Asgard and everyone is expecting an attack. We see Heimdall standing there, doing his job, when he suddenly bolts outside. OH NO, IT'S THE DARK ELVES! like a boss he jumps up and proceeds to attack their ship. AH! How will he stop it, it's too powerful! DAGGER TO THE EXAUST PORT. The ship explodes, Asgard is saved, YAY! Then the bombshell, there are more ships, as well as the ginormous mother ship. Asgard is totally screwed.

Right here me and my brother were face-palming like crazy, and let me tell you why. Earlier Heimdall complained about being unable to see the Dark Elves despite his powers, and he obviously didn't see those huge freaking ships until they were right on top of him. So what is an advanced alien civilization with amazing technology beyond comprehension going to do? Sadly the answer is put up a shield(that doesn't work) and hope for the best. Yikes.


Really guys?

I would also like to point out that the aforesaid conversation also takes place very close to the one where Odin kind-of slams humanity and human technology, and this is not the first time that one of the "higher races" from the marvel universe has dissed humans for being "inferior".

Well...

"Oh dear Asgard's being attacked, hold this please, and.. oh you can't do, pass me that wire, can't do anything about it because the ships are invisible? Gosh, and the Dark Elves, pass me that screwdriver would you, have lasers and you only have stupid swords and spears that are short range. What could I, a pitiful human, jumper cables please, possibly do that could ever have any sort of effect on these guys. Oh, hey look at this, Thor just hook the other end of that cable to Mjölnir, ok good, and oh... what's this?!

OMG!
HEAT SENSORS!!

And what else? Gasp, a missile system with heat trackers! Isn't human technology GREAT! Those invisible ships are pretty worthless now aren't they? Yeah, the whole Dark Elf/ Asgardian battle to the death, the thousands of innocent deaths, completely avoided. HOW'S THAT FOR AN INFERIOR SPECIES ODIN!!!



Prince Adam syndrome

I shall apologize now for the sheer amount of Disney related posts I shall inevitably write..

Sorry.

Ok, now for the real reason for this post...  how many times have you meet a character at the beginning of a film/ tv series, they're really cool, they got cool powers that they really don't want, and it turns out one of the show's major story arcs is them trying to get rid of said powers. You love them, you root for them, but when it comes time for them to return to "normal" you get this...

YIKES! I mean just look at that shnoz! That actually made me hide during this scene when I was little. Come on Disney, he's supposed to be a prince, please try to make him look less beastly as a human! Honestly I was never a fan of Prince Adam, I always thought the Beast was so much cooler than him, in fact I almost always prefer the cursed character over their original form, and it's this feeling that I'm here to discuss.

presenting...

Prince Adam Syndrome

This is not to be confused with preferring an alter ego, or an alternate personality, or the villain/hero form of a character, this solely refers to the preference of a characters other form, usually brought on by a curse, deal, genetic issue, or scientific accident, which is, or can be, at some point removed. Vampires and werewolves can sometimes fall under this, but generally they are kept more in their own realm of the paranormal. characters who cause this syndrome generally do not look upon their condition with favor and often seek it's removal, viewing themselves as dangerous monsters. BUT their fans often desire the opposite, because, come on, THEY ARE SO COOL!

 These type of characters tend to crop up a lot in super hero stories and Disney films, their stories are really compelling and most of the time writers are trying to get you really involved with the inner demons the character is fighting, that they can't really keep down. some popular examples?



 These guys are just awesome, and their boss modes? Awesome! their human forms? meh. could you turn them back now? Please? I'm surprised Belle didn't say that when she saw prince Adam for the first time, tough she did give this look to the camera...

We're with you Belle, sss, oh Disney, why Disney why?

why from this..to this?

 

Seriously why? Animators/directors need to realize that getting us this invested in a character means we are less likely to appreciate them going from super powerful awesomeness to...

 yeah.

 

Now remember this does not apply to all cursed characters, just some, because that is a discussion for another day, and not all cursed characters make you want to keep them that way, ahem...

 But, there will always be those we love for being the monsters that they are and wouldn't change back for anything, not 1000 'handsome?' princes.



yes he has a gun

Ok let's be honest, half of the people that show up here do so because of the web address and when it doesn't match their search they leave.
STOP DOING THAT!
So, since I have made the mistake of naming the site after this I will oblige and give you people what you want, so here you go...

Yes, Scarecrow has a gun.

If you're reading this it's because you were sitting at home, innocently watching a childhood classic, The Wizard of Oz, and you just so happened to look up at that moment when they were first going to kill the witch, and suddenly...

Yeah that.

This little moment in film history has had people hitting the rewind button over and over again. Sure there are weapons in Oz, tin man has that ax, the munchkins have rifles with flowers shoved in their ends, the door guard for Oz has a  spear, and so do all the winkie guards. In fact everyone in this scene, sans Dorothy, has a weapon or two, but there's just something about the Scarecrow waving a pistol around that seems so out of place. What the heck, why does he even have that? An even better question is why they gave the gun to the one that is reportedly brainless? either that was just a really dumb move on their part or Scarecrow just picked it up of his own free will with obvious intent of using it. Forget melting her, a bullet or five will definitely take care of the witch problem, forget the innocent children watching this. Wow Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, just wow.

Another point of interest is that the pistol, along with all the other weapons, are gone by the time the flying monkeys appear. The only one with a weapon is the tin woodsman and he makes a valiant effort to chop them out of the sky, but when push comes to shove that pistol would have been so much more helpful.

So where did it go?

There is a lot of controversy over this actually, some figure he dropped it when the ghost picks up Tin Man in the woods, and for some reason never picks it back up. Another option could be it goes missing during the cut 'jitter-bug' scene, which was supposed to be placed between the woods scene and the flying monkey scene and was actually another musical number, but was cut before the film was finished. Or the actor just left it somewhere an forgot it, whoops. Whatever actually happened the pistol is gone, and the most likely reason is that the film makers were trying to tone down the original story to make it a bit more PG, because the original story is actually kind of dark.

In the original story of the Wizard of Oz the scene where we see scarecrow with the gun actually has a body count, and it's partially his fault. You see when the witch sees them coming she sends 40 wolves to kill them all. Tin Man, while Dorothy is sleeping, walks out to meet them and cleaves them all in half, then leaves their bodies to rot. The witch then sends 40 crows; Scarecrow snaps their necks one by one and drops the bodies. She sends 40 killer bees, which Tin Man also kills, then the winkies, which Lion scares off, before resorting to the flying monkeys. SO YEAH, DEAD, DEAD, DEAD, terrorized. Enjoy those nightmares kids!

 

So I guess adding in a gun and cutting the carnage was the best way to go about reworking the story for younger audiences. I could buy that, if the rest of the film wasn't so chockfull of slightly disturbing imagery. I mean the witch taunting Dorothy about Aunt Em never finding where she disappeared to, geez guys. "I'll give you an Auntie EM you little...!"

GAH!! If I'm going to be honest bothering about the scarecrow having a gun should not be the biggest concern for this movie, but inevitably it seems to be the biggest conspiracy in the entire film outside of the bird that looks like the hanging munchkin, and it will always hold it's own place in my heart as the original "What tha...?" moment. Congrats Oz!

Character guilt!

Hi, I'm back, how are you? I know I'm posting this kinda late but I really want to bring this topic up. Ever find yourself sitting there, watching a show, everything's fine, then the bad guy appears and does or says something completely disturbed, that for some reason is also mildly hilarious. Of course you laugh, but at the same time you feel a wrenching twisting feeling in your gut every time you do. Well congratulations you have, dum dum dum...

CHARATER GUILT.

 

Yes, that feeling you get when you absolutely love a character, find them funny, etc. but the character also just so happens to be totally psychotic, a murderer, or worse. You hate what they do, you hate what they stand for, you hate that they intended to kill the main character, you love that they tried to kill that annoying character, and you hate that they are the epitome of all evil, but for some reason it's a technical impossibility to stop loving them as a character. Some prime examples...





and most recently for me...

 

 

 I know the common thing for villains is that you love to hate them, well that's the problem here, you love them, but you can't hate them! These type of characters just fit into some subliminal niche and stick there, you just cant get rid of them, which is probably one of the reasons we love them against our will.

 

Don't get me wrong, these characters are all horrible people. Hades tries to kill his brother over a bad job, Loki makes a deal with the harbinger of death to subvert all of humanity into his worshipers, Azula tries to kill several people, even her own friends, and take over the world. Gollum actually does manage to kill his friends, and I can't even begin to sum up what Joker has done, I'm pretty sure Batman couldn't either. Then there's Bill here, tried to destroy the mind of a main character, ripped out a child's soul to possess his body, tried to kill the kid's twin sister, and has some dark ulterior motive that has yet to be explained.

 

Sounds terrible right? You're probably saying, 'wow these guys are all horrible people/monsters/supernatural beings, how on earth could you say you love these guys? Do you have a screw lose or something?'

 

The answer to this question is yes, actually, how'd you know? But lets ignore that and get to the main point. Go ahead and watch these guys in action and if you don't find yourself becoming even slightly intrigued I congratulate you on your strength of moral character, or that weird need of yours to prove me wrong, what's up with that anyway? But if you suddenly find yourself laughing, even as the villain is doing something you know is wrong, well then welcome to the twilight zone, you've been expected.

 

You see with most villains in filmography there is usually some sort of redeeming feature, they spare the damsel in distress, they don't kill the hero, they are doing it out of love, something like that, and that is what keeps them firmly in our minds as strictly a villain, they have/had good qualities but are willingly ignoring them, making them a bad guy. Every once in a while a villain comes along who is just causing chaos for chaos sake, and of course you can manage to hate these guys too, however your mind keeps looking for something to hold against them, that will actually make them a villain. Character developers realize that without a significant backstory most villains are pretty lame, I mean compare Galactus to Darth Vader, and which one gets more press? Little orphan Annie-kin, that's who, you know the one who killed his lover. Once being good makes it so much easier to hold it against him, making him complete. So, in lieu of a solid reason for being a complete villain developers pull out their trump card, make the villain hilarious.

 

For some reason funny makes sense to us, that's how Disney can sell an otherwise bland side character, and psychotically funny makes even more sense. It's hard to hate a guy who can make you laugh, and there's always that part of us that wonders what it would be like to cross that line from person to monster.

 

Well these guys deliver that pleasure on a silver trey with a Joker bomb strapped to it.

Even if they just murdered a puppy they play it off so hilariously, so nonchalant that we can hold it against them cause we're holding our sides with laughter. Of course we kick our selves for it later, claim we'll never do it again, but just like laughter they're contagious, we just want more, more, MORE! Honestly we can't keep them out of our heads, our art, our fan-fictions, and we battle our conscience the entire time. Love, Hate, Love, Hate, Love, Hate. BLARG! It's torture! Hilarious torture. SEE? CHARACTER GUILT!! You hate to love them and would love to hate them as they slowly pull you into being... GASP! A FAN-GIRL/BOY!

 

Well that's it, I'm done with this post, hope you all have a good night, and until the next post...

I'll be watching!