Saturday, December 17, 2016

Part 2: everything possibly wrong with Santa Claus is Coming to Town

I'm baaaaaaaaacckkk!
So, I deeply appreciate the amount of views I have gotten about my original "Everything possibly wrong with Santa Claus is coming to Town" post, you have no idea. However, after re-watching the movie this Christmas season I realized... There is so much more wrong with this thing than I first realized! Therefore, as you all seem to like the original post, I bring you....
Everything Possibly Wrong with Santa Claus is Coming to Town: PART 2!
SO lets go back to the very beginning...
So after a brief montage-esque news reel, we meet our Narrator, Special delivery Clueger, (SD for short) who is supposed to deliver Santa's mail...
...Instead, he rifles through and opens several letters. Anyone else realize that's illegal? Nope, because the nice man who sounds like Fred Astaire is telling us about Santa, lets go...!
And lets just ignore the weird dance with his mailbag...
Now, I know I already did a rant about the whole baby scene, but there appears to be a small part that I didn't notice until recently. The whole scene is about the head guard running in with a baby he found on the front porch right? So, Santa's mom decided to leave her baby on a stone porch, in winter, wrapped only in a blanket, and just hope someone comes along and finds him before he freezes?
Yeah, no, you're right, the evil mayor would actually be better at parenting than you.
The orphan Asylum is 10 freaking miles from town! Seriously?!
You named him Kris? Dingle, Wingle, Tingle, etc. and you name him Kris?

Apparently, running around with animals your whole childhood gives you superpowers...


By the way, remember the scene where Burger Meister "breaks his funny bone", and I mentioned the inadequate doctor, here's a picture...
1) That's the king!
2) Royalty should obviously not become doctors after being dethroned. Case in point...
3)You are looking at a thermometer to determine if your patient has a broken funny bone, and you put a cast on his foot. Really?
Err, what?

Hey, lets play a game! It's called, count the amount of guns this guy gives to children! Ready?
One, two...

...three, four...

...five...
...Six...
...Seven
...Eight...
...Nine!
And these are all different guns by the Way!


It's the duck again! Also, where did the cast and wheelchair go?
Okay, so the children write letters for Kris and give them to birds, who fly up into the mountains where Jessica takes them and bends over two feet to hand to the animals to take to Kris. I'm sorry, what? Why on earth is Jessica even there? Cant the birds just give the letters to the animals themselves? I mean, they're right there! Seriously.

There is a house right there, and you are all sitting outside around a tiny fire, in the snow...
Alright, lets talk about the magic feed corn. 
Yeah, that, the Reindeer drugs. Jessica gives it to some deer to help break out Kris and the others. One problem, however... The whole impenetrable prison thing. Somehow, magically, having flying deer manages to melt away the Prison bars, or something, because suddenly they are all out and riding off into the moonlight. 

Well, that's it. Hope you enjoyed! And watch out for my second Christmas special post: Year Without a Santa Claus. AND MERRY CHRISTMAS!

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