You know this is one of my favorite times of year, everyone is so happy, families get together, fattening treats are made, the tree is lit, and all those classic Christmas films appear on TV being played over, and over, and over.
Ah yes, those Christmas films, telling us endless stories of peace on earth, big red fat men, and how being a jerk will get you killed horribly. And out of all those films there really are some that just take us back and force us to rewatch them every year.
How the Grinch stole Christmas, Christmas story, White Christmas, Year without a Santa Claus, The Santa Clause, Rudolph, Frosty, and the ever popular Santa Claus is coming to Town.
This really is a fun movie: The story of how Santa came to be, from baby to man, how he find Mrs. Claus, saves a town, beats the bad guy, and all while growing that impressive beard and dragging around a VERY lost penguin. Like I said, it's a great show, and there is
SO MUCH WRONG WITH IT!
This show is far from being as messed up as Rudolph is, but it has its moments, my personal favorite being the creepy smiling child that is just sitting there smiling away as the other children are bawling their eyes out or completely terrified.
Seriously kid there is something wrong with you! GO AWAY! GAH!
But anyway, this show has some laughably disturbing parts, and some not so laughably disturbing parts, and is just over all HIGHLY DISTURBED!
This show is far from being as messed up as Rudolph is, but it has its moments, my personal favorite being the creepy smiling child that is just sitting there smiling away as the other children are bawling their eyes out or completely terrified.
 |
| This kid is totally from my nightmares. |
But anyway, this show has some laughably disturbing parts, and some not so laughably disturbing parts, and is just over all HIGHLY DISTURBED!
What do you mean you don't believe me? Oh dear, you should know by now that I tend to be right every single time you do that. Want proof? Fine.
Take the very first scene (after the narrator scene starts), where we first see the villain eating a chunk of mutton the size of a baby, and speaking of babies the head guard comes charging in holding one that had been left on the stoop.
Take the very first scene (after the narrator scene starts), where we first see the villain eating a chunk of mutton the size of a baby, and speaking of babies the head guard comes charging in holding one that had been left on the stoop.
Okay pause here, why is there an abandoned baby on the front porch, IN WINTER? Nice job parents, look I know you tried to give your kid a "better life" by leaving him with the mayor, but YOU LEFT HIM ON A STONE DOOR STEP IN WINTER! just saying.
Anyway, so Burgermeister is dumbfounded that anyone thought he would take care of a baby, him of all people...
"Burgermeister Meisterburger: I, Burgermeister Meisterburger, take care of a baby? Outrageous! What's it's name?
Grimsby: This is the only clue, sir. [an name tag]
Grimsby: It says, "Claus".
Burgermeister Meisterburger: Ah, take the little, er, baggage to the orphan asylum. That's the proper place for foundlings anyway.
[the baby starts to cry] "
Of course if his name had been Burgermeister is awesome, there wouldn't have been a problem.
Any way, so the guard trys to take the baby, loses the baby, woodland creatures find the baby, quick HIDE THE BABY UNDER A PILE OF WOOD! the Winter-warlock will never expect a random pile of wood!
Then the animals take the baby to the Kringles, and upon seeing him one of the Kringles says a very memorable line.
"Dingle: Wiggle my ears and tickle my toes, methinks I see a baby's nose! It's more than a nose. There's a whole baby attached to it. Better call my brothers! Wingle! Bingle! Tingle! Zingle! "
first of all their parents hated them with names like that, 2) he said that like he was surprised there was a baby attatched to the nose. You get many severed baby noses delivered then? What the heck!
The kringles raise the baby as Kris Kringle, and teach him about their occupation; Making toys that they throw in a pile in the back yard. Real profitable there. They also tell him of their former occupation, as royal toymakers.
Pay attention to this guy, right here.
SO fast forward, Kris grows up, decides to actually make some revenue, gets the red suit, and starts climbing the mountain between them and the town. While climbing he runs into a penguin, A PENGUIN, at the north pole. But that isn't even the biggest problem, the biggest problem is the Warlock, who threatens to kill them, but when they run off is like "ah, I'll wait until they come back". that warlock is the second laziest guy in the film, honestly, he doesn't even know how to walk.
And it just goes downhill from there.
When Burgermeister wipes out on a toy his doctor tells him his funny bone is broken, but puts a cast on Burgermeister's foot. What? Geee, thanks doc.
When Kriss is being told off by Jessica for giving the children toys he bribes her with one, he then does the same thing to Burgermeister and the Warlock. It only works twice.
Santa gave a kid a machine gun for Christmas, a REAL MACHINE GUN!
When the bribery doesn't work on bergermeister and the guards chase him out they run to the edge of the woods and say...
"Ah, We'll never find him in there.."
Seriously? SERIOUSLY! oh, we'll never find the guy with orange hair in a bright red suit, trimmed with fur, carrying a giant sack, followed by a penguin, running through these woods where the trees are a good two yards apart in every direction and visability is as near perfect as we can get it. Nope, we'll never find him.
Ladies and gentlemen, the laziest guys on the planet.
Warlock is suseptable to bribery, and by the way, ever notice this?
how they managed to WALK to the North Pole
And it just goes downhill from there.
When Burgermeister wipes out on a toy his doctor tells him his funny bone is broken, but puts a cast on Burgermeister's foot. What? Geee, thanks doc.
When Kriss is being told off by Jessica for giving the children toys he bribes her with one, he then does the same thing to Burgermeister and the Warlock. It only works twice.
When the bribery doesn't work on bergermeister and the guards chase him out they run to the edge of the woods and say...
"Ah, We'll never find him in there.."
Seriously? SERIOUSLY! oh, we'll never find the guy with orange hair in a bright red suit, trimmed with fur, carrying a giant sack, followed by a penguin, running through these woods where the trees are a good two yards apart in every direction and visability is as near perfect as we can get it. Nope, we'll never find him.
Ladies and gentlemen, the laziest guys on the planet.
Warlock is suseptable to bribery, and by the way, ever notice this?
The warlock is totally doofenshmirtz.
Kriss starts breaking into people's homes to deliver presents, which leads to this scene...
See that kid up in the corner, by the lamp post? See that duck he's holding? the exact same duck that injured Burgermeister earlier and got toys banned. So what does the kid do? He runs up and starts attacking Burgermeister with it, real nice kid, that totally wont be linked to any traumatic memories for him and cause him to continue to overreact over the toys.
Well he does, and if you watch while he is raiding one of the houses you'll see something interesting
Holy Crap! It's the king! also the claymation people seem to have been a bit excessive with the mom's, um, chest there. It's wider than her head!
Well the climax happens, kriss is arrested, and jessica suddenly breaks into song.
She is SOOOOOOOO HIGH!
After that of course there is very little left wrong with the show, besides of course...
Hey, we're criminals now, so here's a good time to tell you you're adopted. =D
Pardon? What the heck!
and how much Jesica has let herself go. Yikes, ease up on the cookies lady!
overall this is a very messed up, but very lovable movie that I laugh at every year, and I hope you do too
EXTRA:
Hey, there's a sequel out for this post, so go check it out:
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