WTH: Adam West Batman

Ok, so the first time I was introduced to batman was via an original live action Adam West batman movie cleverly titled, "Batman". I recently rewatched it just for nostalgia purposes, and in one of the first scenes Batman is fighting off a shark, and during the fight you see him go for these...

I'm sorry, but, WHY?

Oceanic Repellent Bat Sprays? What? Why on earth does Batman need Whale repellent? And as a spray? For oceanic creatures, an aerosol spray? How many manta-rays are you expecting to run into outside of the water? Just saying.

The deadly shnozberry!

sorry I kept this so late, I really cant come up with an excuse. Ah well.

Ok, so when I was a kid I loved Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory, the colors, the oompa-loompas, the allure of a life time sugar high. Ah yes, those were the days.

Well when I watch that show again today and I am once again immersed in those wonderful colors and sounds I cant help thinking one thing...
Well, ok, two things, the first being how far off this movie is from the book, compared to the Johnny Depp film anyway, but the second and only less obvious thought would be this...

WHAT THE HECK I WRONG WITH THIS MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am serious, I'm surprised I didn't pick up on this when I was a kid,( the scary tunnel not withstanding)

 this movie is so messed up.

I guess the guy who made this just skimmed the book, considered it, then decided to film what was the equivalent of a drunken, drug induced, chocolate filled hallucination for the factory scenes, and be just plain cruel to Charlie the rest of the time. I mean, just look at the first real scene of the movie, where the friendly candy store owner is talking to his customers and singing "The Candy Man."

(0:38 did one of those kids just grab a Slugworth candy?)

Are any of those kids even paying for this stuff? NO! No, it's "give these lousy rich brats free candy" day, but when Charlie walks in with almost no money he's got to pay full price. Does he get to run behind the counter? Does he get free soda-pop? Does he get some vaguely creepy store owner singing to him about the guy who makes the chocolate? NO! No, he gets to go home and be scarred to death by some creepy tin peddler outside the Wonka factory.

Of course we all know about his bed ridden grand parents who couldn't possibly get out of bed for any reason. OH wait!

 

then the mom trys to cheer us up by singing THE MOST DEPRESSING SONG EVER!!!!!

THIS WAS MY CHILDHOOD!

 

And, AND we get this moron of a teacher...

Where did you even get those chemicals? Do you have a licence for those? My chemistry teacher would kill him.

 

SO that happened. Then we get to the fun part, you know the one where a old, obviously insane man proceeds to cleverly pick off the children one by one in an attempt to find a successor. Yeah.

I didn't appreciate it back then, but if today was the first time I ever watched this movie I could probably guess what was about to ensue just by looking at the guy who plays Wonka...

 




Ah, the best of Gene Wilder. =)


Now we all know how Wonka handles the removal of his rather irritating guests, allowing one to almost drown in chocolate, while dryly saying

And, even more memorably to Agustus' mother,

"Help. Police. Murder."

 

I am not even getting into that scary tunnel mess. That is possibly the second most terrifying performance in child film history. The most terrifying I will address at a later date.

 

He later "reprimands" Violet, "No. Stop. Don't. in complete monotone. love that.

 

Veruca and her father get sent to the incinerator.

 

and Mike T.V. gets shredded into itsey, bitsey Mikey bits before being reassembled at a fraction of his original size.

 

But we all remember that.

What we forget is that he shows them all these wonderful things to touch taste and smell. Like leaving out the exploding candy and blowing up Mike's mouth. What did you forget that? Yeah check it out. And let us not forget the Fizzy-lifting drinks incident.

 

So wonka shows off his lickable wallpaper and tells them to lick the shnoz berries, and in doing so not only says one of the coolest lines ever...

But he also seems to make it very clear that 'it's ok to try anything we may come across'. This is something Charlie and his grandfather indulge in in the Fizzy-lifting drink testing area. This launches them into the air, which is all fine and dandy... EXCEPT FOR THE SPINNING BLADES OF DEATH ON THE ROOF!

 

OMG WONKA! why the heck do you have those in a room where you are testing with anti gravity? How many Oompa-Loompas have you lost already to that thing?! What is with you and life & death situations?! Come on Man! AND, to top it off, you've trained your minions to sing happily about what ever tragedy just happened and essentially tell us exactly how they went wrong. Yikes.

 

So that was my childhood.....

WTH: White Christmas

by the way if the title says WTH, it means it is a part of the one-shot series

In the end of the movie White Christmas when the general is shaking everyone's hands, he totally blows a guy off...

Smooth move guy,  "play it off, reach for the hat, maybe no one saw that."

Yeah, we did.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!!!

Everything possibly wrong with Santa Claus is coming to town

Merry Christmas everybody, how are you? Been good? Gona get lots of presents? Yeah.
You know this is one of my favorite times of year, everyone is so happy, families get together, fattening treats are made, the tree is lit, and all those classic Christmas films appear on TV being played over, and over, and over.
Ah yes, those Christmas films, telling us endless stories of peace on earth, big red fat men, and how being a jerk will get you killed horribly. And out of all those films there really are some that just take us back and force us to rewatch them every year.
How the Grinch stole Christmas, Christmas story, White Christmas, Year without a Santa Claus, The Santa Clause, Rudolph, Frosty, and the ever popular Santa Claus is coming to Town.

This really is a fun movie: The story of how Santa came to be, from baby to man, how he find Mrs. Claus, saves a town, beats the bad guy, and all while growing that impressive beard and dragging around a VERY lost penguin. Like I said, it's a great show, and there is

SO MUCH WRONG WITH IT!

This show is far from being as messed up as Rudolph is, but it has its moments, my personal favorite being the creepy smiling child that is just sitting there smiling away as the other children are bawling their eyes out or completely terrified.

This kid is totally from my nightmares.

Seriously kid there is something wrong with you! GO AWAY! GAH!

But anyway, this show has some laughably disturbing parts, and some not so laughably disturbing parts, and is just over all HIGHLY DISTURBED!

What do you mean you don't believe me? Oh dear, you should know by now that I tend to be right every single time you do that. Want proof? Fine.

Take the very first scene (after the narrator scene starts), where we first see the villain eating a chunk of mutton the size of a baby, and speaking of babies the head guard comes charging in holding one that had been left on the stoop.

Okay pause here, why is there an abandoned baby on the front porch, IN WINTER? Nice job parents, look I know you tried to give your kid a "better life" by leaving him with the mayor, but YOU LEFT HIM ON A STONE DOOR STEP IN WINTER! just saying.

Anyway, so Burgermeister is dumbfounded that anyone thought he would take care of a baby, him of all people...

"Burgermeister Meisterburger: I, Burgermeister Meisterburger, take care of a baby? Outrageous! What's it's name?

Grimsby: This is the only clue, sir.
[an name tag]
Grimsby: It says, "Claus".
Burgermeister Meisterburger: Ah, take the little, er, baggage to the orphan asylum. That's the proper place for foundlings anyway.
[the baby starts to cry] "

Of course if his name had been Burgermeister is awesome, there wouldn't have been a problem.

Any way, so the guard trys to take the baby, loses the baby, woodland creatures find the baby, quick HIDE THE BABY UNDER A PILE OF WOOD! the Winter-warlock will never expect a random pile of wood!

Then the animals take the baby to the Kringles, and upon seeing him one of the Kringles says a very memorable line.

"Dingle: Wiggle my ears and tickle my toes, methinks I see a baby's nose! It's more than a nose. There's a whole baby attached to it. Better call my brothers! Wingle! Bingle! Tingle! Zingle! "

first of all their parents hated them with names like that, 2) he said that like he was surprised there was a baby attatched to the nose. You get many severed baby noses delivered then? What the heck!

The kringles raise the baby as Kris Kringle, and teach him about their occupation; Making toys that they throw in a pile in the back yard. Real profitable there. They also tell him of their former occupation, as royal toymakers. 

Pay attention to this guy, right here.

SO fast forward, Kris grows up, decides to actually make some revenue, gets the red suit, and starts climbing the mountain between them and the town. While climbing he runs into a penguin, A PENGUIN, at the north pole. But that isn't even the biggest problem, the biggest problem is the Warlock, who threatens to kill them, but when  they run off is like "ah, I'll wait until they come back". that warlock is the second laziest guy in the film, honestly, he doesn't even know how to walk.

And it just goes downhill from there.

When Burgermeister wipes out on a toy his doctor tells him his funny bone is broken, but puts a cast on Burgermeister's foot. What? Geee, thanks doc.

When Kriss is being told off by Jessica for giving the children toys he bribes her with one, he then does the same thing to Burgermeister and the Warlock. It only works twice.

Santa gave a kid a machine gun for Christmas, a REAL MACHINE GUN!

When the bribery doesn't work on bergermeister and the guards chase him out they run to the edge of the woods and say...
"Ah, We'll never find him in there.."
Seriously? SERIOUSLY! oh, we'll never find the guy with orange hair in a bright red suit, trimmed with fur, carrying a giant sack, followed by a penguin, running through these woods where the trees are a good two yards apart in every direction and visability is as near perfect as we can get it. Nope, we'll never find him.
Ladies and gentlemen, the laziest guys on the planet.

Warlock is suseptable to bribery, and by the way, ever notice this?

The warlock is totally doofenshmirtz.

Kriss starts breaking into people's homes to deliver presents, which leads to this scene...

See that kid up in the corner, by the lamp post? See that duck he's holding? the exact same duck that injured Burgermeister earlier and got toys banned. So what does the kid do? He runs up and starts attacking Burgermeister with it, real nice kid, that totally wont be linked to any traumatic memories for him and cause him to continue to overreact over the toys.

Well he does, and if you watch while he is raiding one of the houses you'll see something interesting

Holy Crap! It's the king! also the claymation people seem to have been a bit excessive with the mom's, um, chest there. It's wider than her head!

Well the climax happens, kriss is arrested, and jessica suddenly breaks into song.

She is SOOOOOOOO HIGH!

After that of course there is very little left wrong with the show, besides of course...

Hey, we're criminals now, so here's a good time to tell you you're adopted. =D

Pardon? What the heck!

 how they managed to WALK to the North Pole

and how much Jesica has let herself go. Yikes, ease up on the cookies lady!

overall this is a very messed up, but very lovable movie that I laugh at every year, and I hope you do too

EXTRA:

Hey, there's a sequel out for this post, so go check it out:

http://scarecrowsgotagun.blogspot.com/2016/12/part-2-everything-possibly-wrong-with.html 

WTH: A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving

Wow 50 views, I'm impressed. Thank you guys so much for putting up with my rather sporadic posting, it means so much to me.

And so, in commemoration of this blog's 50 views, and the wonderful holiday we just celebrated, I will be starting my one shot series, also known as my WTH series (What The Heck series). These are those random moments that aren't big enough for discussion, but still need to be pointed out in my opinion. They might be elaborated on later, but until then they are just for your mild enjoyment.

So without further ado:

WTH: A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving

 

Why the Heck does Charlie brown have so many toasters just sitting around his house?

Why on earth are there three kids and a dog crammed together on one side of the table, and one ethnic side-character all alone on the other?

And does anyone else realize that Woodstock is basically performing cannibalism here?

 

That's it, hope you enjoyed.

Disney Un-hooked

I'm so sorry I haven't posted in a while, I've been off doing super secret things I can't tell you about because then they would have to kill me. So Sorry.

Any way, back to today's post.
So you know how Tinkerbell is like the unofficial Disney mascot, besides Mickey Mouse of course.

And everyone remembers peter pan as both a fun movie, and a fun character. Then there's all the lost boys, and the Darling children, but no one really cares about them.

 

But there's one more character that often becomes forgotten in the wake of the sparkly faries, fun adventure songs, and the obviously ignored romance between two twelve year olds who both look like they're in pajamas. and that character would be...

Captain James Hook of the Jolly Roger

Most people forget Hook as a villain, and tend more to view him as a, in his own words "Blathering Idiot." Even Disney seems to be doing this, I mean have you ever seen Jake and the Neverland pirates? Everytime hook comes on screen I want to beat myself with a stick. He'd cowardly, short sighted, obsessed with treasure, generally dumber than a post, and he keeps losing to children, eight to ten year old children! And you know how they manage to beat him? With sharing, and love, and all that mushy crap we see in kids shows. Plus he looks like this,

Seriously?! Seriously!?, you go from this

to this?

No wonder everyone starts to pray the crocodile finally gets him, they all see him as a complete moron.

BUT HE'S NOT!!!

The dear Captain can actually be found pretty high on the villain scale in terms of evil. His overview actually consists of, and I quote.

"Captain James Hook is a fictional character and the main antagonist of J. M. Barrie’s play Peter Pan; or, the Boy Who Wouldn’t Grow Up and its various adaptations. The character is a villainous pirate captain of the Jolly Roger brig, and lord of the pirate village/harbour in Neverland, where he is widely feared. Most importantly, he is the archenemy of Peter Pan. It is said that Hook was “Blackbeard’s boatswain, and that he was the only man Long John Silver ever feared.” His only two fears are the sight of his own blood (which is supposedly an unnatural colour) and one fateful crocodile."

 

YES he did work for Blackbeard, and if you don't know who long john silver is, well that's just insulting. But despite this everyone forgets just how much of an Awsome villain Hook was. He really can be terrifying. I mean he's only on screen for a few seconds before he's already threatening to torture the Indian princess, kills a guy, and starts firing cannon balls at four children, intending to literally blow them out of the sky.



After that he captures and attempts to drown Tigerlilly, captures and tricks Tinkerbell, gives a bomb to peter, A BOMB, entices children to become murderous pirates, intends to drown Wendy, and run peter through with a sword. 

Think that's bad? Well in the play/book he attempts to poison the lost boys not once, but twice, and the bomb from the movie is replaced with poison. He wants Pan to suffer, all because peter thought it was funny to chop off his hand. Not so funny now is it Peter? Yeah I thought not. But not only is he decidedly evil, but he's also suave and highly sophisticated. He is a man of his word, when promising not to lay a single finger on Peter he actually keeps his word, he gives Peter a bomb instead. Hey he didn't lie. He never goes back on his word, and when he's committing villainy he does so with a certain charisma and style. He's also a ladies man, I mean he completely cons Tinkerbell into telling him everything he wants to know. Every single time he interacts with one of the female characters he is incredibly polite, in a threatening you could die any second kind of way. All that is enough to make even Maleficent turn her head.

 

So come on Disney, stop tearing Hook down and give us our awesome villain back, I bet the Croc will be happy if you do.

All you ever need to know about dating you can get from Doofenshmirtz.



Like the title says, Doofenshmirtz is the place to go for dating advice and explanations. Sure he has not had a very good record with it so far, most of his dates resulting in some pretty nasty results: I.E. the one that kept stabbing him with a fork, but his history with women aside he can spout some pretty good advice at times. Just check out how he does in the episode "love at first byte".

 

 

 

After that you still might be able to argue that his advice is rather, um, completely off, and I'll give you that, but it isn't really his relationships/ advice on women that I want to point out here.

 

Ok so kids usually watch Phineas and Ferb for the cool animation and story lines, while their adult guardians, or just adults in general, watch it for the little hidden adult humor bits that are slipped in, but in general they still think of it as a kids show.

Well they're actually only half right.

If you examine the way Phineas and Ferb is done you begin to realize that only part of it is a kid geared show, mainly the part with the titular characters, and the parts concerning Perry and Doof are really geared toward a much older audience. They address issues that most adults/teens actually go through, rejection, loneliness, and the issue of cheating on a person you're in a relationship with and how that can hurt. (Perry and Doof are NOT gay in any way, shape, or form. They're basically drinking buddies) And this is also where those problems are explained, and usually given a remedy. I mean have you seen the Peter the Panda story arc? Just watch the episode "Lost in Danville", no seriously, watch it, it is hilarious. Doof finds out he's Peter the panda's "other" evil scientist, and his real nemesis cant fathom why he's not enough for peter. It's like a soap-opera, almost. Of course Doof gives some great relationship advice.

 

Which later cumulates to this...

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENjLMle8BCA

(sorry couldn't upload the video)

 

Don't you just love Doof? He just makes the day better.